on marriage & me

So with all this gay talk and gay day and gay marriage, here’s my story whether you want it or not.  No surprise to most that I’m gay.  I’m out and open.  What may surprise some of you if not all of you, well beside people that know me in real life, is that I was married to a woman and have two children.  I want to be completely open and I feel like sometimes I’m hiding this huge part of my life.  I want to protect my boys and keep their lives as private as possible, but they are such a huge part of my life that I feel like I leave so much out of stories I tell or things they do.  I went into my marriage with both of us knowing I was (what I thought) bi (stupid in retrospect I guess, but I don’t regret a minute of my marriage.  Not one minute).  Our marriage was like any marriage, it had its ups and downs, we made it through lots of stuff and were doing fine.  We had two awesome boys, and when I say awesome that really is an understatement, because seriously they are more than awesome.  Not too long after we had our second son, I started to realize that I was not bi, but just gay.  I struggled with what this meant (and still do to some extent) and what it would mean for my life, my family, and especially my two boy’s lives.  I knew, though, that I couldn’t continue to live the way I was living in a marriage to a woman.  We separated and divorced and still remain close and the boys are still and always will remain everything to me.  On the marriage front, I never see myself getting married again (at least not for a long time, if it ever happens), I just have lost faith (not a religious faith that’s another whole topic) in what it means to me, but what I haven’t lost faith in is that everyone deserves the right to be married regardless of their sexuality.

4 Nov 2009 / 144 notes

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