I’m kind of sad American Horror Story: Asylum is over because that means so are Tess Lynch’s recaps. These are my two favorite bits from her recap of the season finale:
She finds him being bullied by a kid who asks him in full Boston brogue, “Do you like dinosaurs? You want to suck a Brontosaurus dick?” No, that would be much too large a dick for a 6-year-old to suck, but thank you, friend, for inquiring. Lana scares off the aggressor and tenderly asks Johnny if he’s all right, stroking his cheek as assorted playground children look on and snicker. She has totally revealed herself to be his mother by being so embarrassing. She stopped short of wiping peanut butter off his face with a swipe of her thumb and some maternal spit, but she had made a careless error. That was, Lana explains, the last time she saw Johnny, who is still in hiding but now munching on an éclair and looking very glum.
Lana’s interview wraps. After the crew exits, she goes straight to the bar cart to fix herself a drink (perhaps a habit she picked up from Dr. Thredson, who had a very nicely appointed martini setup). She gets out two glasses and asks the air, “Can I pour you a drink? Why don’t you come out now. You don’t need to hide. Not any more.” As if there were ever any doubt, this serves as further evidence of Lana’s expert psychological manipulation: She and Johnny’s father both had bar carts; genetically, their progeny’s weak spot would be the hospitable act of having a friendly cocktail. How disarming.